Louis has a new bed mate. Well, until I go to bed and then I steal her back.
Shiva Thundermittens is such a lovely girl. She has made all of us, barring my older cats, very very happy.
Every night, she curls up with Louis and purrs like crazy until she drops off to sleep. I still have to lie with Louis until he is asleep.
I don't think I have written about that before. The deal is, I lie next to Louis pretending that I am asleep until he goes to sleep. Then I steathily crawl from the room.
Yeah, yeah, I know. Bad habits. We actually had him falling asleep on his own. But then Henry died and I needed to be with Louis until he fell asleep. So really, the autistic kid is the functional one in this scenario. So, my grief stricken need became his routine and now there is no getting around it.
It isn't so bad. I had visions once upon a time that we would share special moments about our day, maybe talk about our dreams or our fears. In reality, we talk a lot about windscreen wipers and orcas.
I do love to watch his body relax into sleep. Of course, then the crazy twitching and jerking starts. As I have written before, I am worried that these are seizures. I stay until he is more peaceful and then shuffle off the bed.
A lot of the time these days, I find myself falling asleep next to him and the kitten. I am still so sleep deprived. I always wake myself though, as I have much to do each evening, with study and housework and all that crap. I hate how groggy I feel as stumble back out to the loungeroom. And writing an essay under such conditions is less than ideal. But what can you do?
These last couple of years I have learned that I am stronger than I thought. I can endure more than I realised. I have learned that sometimes you just have to keep the forward momentum going and focus solely on doing the next right thing.
And so it is with the sleep deprivation at the moment.
But I reserve the right to bitch and complain at will.
4 comments:
we still snuggle with our son in his bed till he sleeps--and he's seven. We tried to give up but we didn't---it's the only time we really connect with him...I'll be thinking of you tonight as I slink out. :)
I broke Audrey of the habit only because I felt that she wasn't getting good sleep and seemed tired for school (we slept together all night though). But I LOVED sleeping with her and hugging that skinny little body. It just makes me keenly aware that she's not always going to be this small. They've got plenty of time to sleep by themselves! You are so strong...sleep-deprived, but strong.
That picture is too cute.
As a rule, to avoid accidental crushing, none of my kids has ever slept in the same bed as Big Daddy. In fact, it is also dangerous for baby Orcas.
Oh bless. I didn't mention in the post that I am not allowed to TOUCH Louis at all. I have to lie next to him, as close as possible but not touching.
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