Raindrops and storms

My sweet kid is at school today. The kindy farm, a collection of poor benighted lambs and the odd shitstained calf, is coming to visit the preschool. Louis is not altogether happy about this. I left him and Nigel to work out their strategy. This is a happy new occurrance. Nigel seems to help Louis through some tough anxious moments, by being there when Mummy can't. So, Nigel is going to stay at preschool today and "watch Louis". Good old Nigel. According to Louis, Nigel will also give him the nod when it is appropriate to turn into a T-Rex and roar at the farm animals. Another exercise in keeping him safe apparently. Poor bloody animals.

I warned his teachers this morning to keep him back from the pen, just in case he starts roaring madly and frightening the little animals. They know my boy well, those teachers. One just looked at me and laughed and said "I don't think we need to worry about Louis coming too close to the animals". I guess, these are the people that hold him in a death grip to calm him down when the fireman comes to visit the preschool, as my son freaks out about the possibility of the siren being turned on.

On the way to preschool though, something lovely happened. Louis was telling me about his plans to be a T-Rex and I reminded him that he has scheduled times to be a dinosaur and the rest of the time he must be Louis (don't ask - I never thought I was have to comfort my son as he keens and wails because he can't "be a theropod").

So Louis was quiet for a second and said "I am a really good T-Rex". I said "And you are a fantastic Louis". Quiet again and he piped up "I like being Louis". Awwwww. How wonderful is that! and it gets better....he then asked "Do you like being, Mummy?". I nearly crashed into a tree at this point. I made some comment about liking myself when I am not a raging irritable bitch - PG version of course. But I am so thrilled about that kind of progress. To think about asking me that question indicates he is aware that I have thoughts and feelings. Well, I might be reaching a little high there. He didn't listen to my answer, as he was giggling and rocking side to side in his seat, while he fondled a fluffy dinosaur. This is often the way it is with Louis. He starts echoing the appropriate phrases and imitating questions, well before he actually understands the concepts, feeling and intentions behind them. But, it is a damn good start.

Another car drive moment occurred last weekend. The three of us were heading up the coast to visit my mother-in-law. It had been raining a lot that previous week and Louis was anxious as a result. It is weird. It is not as if he doesn't like rain, he just doesn't like the anticipation of rain. Anyway, hubs and I were fielding multiple, repetitive questions regarding the odds of future precipitation and throwing desperate looks at each other as we mentally calculated the length of the journey and how excruciating it will be if the same questions were asked for its entirety. I know, I know, that we should shut him down by finishing the subject and ignoring- and we often do - when he is in a repetitive question mode but it gets a bit hairy to do that in the car sometime. Anyway, all of a sudden Louis falls into a silent contemplation. His little face gazed out of the window for a good 20 minutes. Then he said "Mummy, does one raindrop make a storm?" What a great fucking question! So deep! So intriguing! So thoughtful! I told him it was a great question and said no it didn't.

Of course at this point Louis said "Mummy, does two raindrops make a storm?, Mummy does three raindrops make a storm? Mummy does four raindrops make a storm?" Oi vey.

Anyway, it was deep and philosophical and I think it should be embroidered on a pillow. ONE RAINDROP DOES NOT MAKE A STORM. Words to live by my friends.

Okay I will leave you with a funny one that occured between my husband and Louis. It was a couple of weekends ago and I was painting (remember? Keep up people! It looks fab by the way). Hubs was trying to rev Louis up to get him to leave the house with him and go to the park, so I could paint. Louis was, as usual, reticent to leave the house. Hubs excitedly said "Louis, we are going to have HEAPS of fun". Louis looked up with concerned eyes and replied "Only a little bit for me, please".

My kid rocks. No two ways about it.

Nigel Marven

See that dude?

He now lives in our house. I feed him. I have to buckle him into the car. I have to SLEEP with him.

He is Louis' imaginary friend.

A new development indeed in our wee household.

Now given the literal bent of autism, it may not surprise you that Louis' imaginary friend actually exists.

I introduce to you.....Nigel Marven - paleontologist. Well, he is in a shitload of dinosaur shows that Louis watches anyway.

I mentioned that Louis lives and breathes dinosaurs right? To the point of absolute saturation.

From the moment he wakes up to the moment he sleeps, all he talks about, cares about, scripts about are dinosaurs. He has a funny little stim he does with his fingers that he looks out of the corners of his eyes at, that apparently are "running velociraptors".

So anyway, Nigel has made a big impression in our household. Louis is often found mumbling away sotto voce to him. I am not privy to these conversations. Given that they are sure to involve scripting one of Nigel's docos, I certainly don't give a shit. In fact, I am pretty thankful that someone else has to listen to this stuff for a while.

However, there is a unforeseen problem. Nigel is driving a wedge between me and husband. If he aint cutting his grass, he is certainly firing up the mower. You see, Louis is insisting that Nigel sleep with me. Sure this may be platonic in a wee four-year-old's mind, but the night's are long my friend. How long am I supposed to resist the temptations of an aging British paleontologist?

Actually, I think you are quite safe hubs.

So Nige may be making a few appearances in this blog. He has been a great source of hilarity for me and husband already.

Talk sooner rather than later. Thanks for the love guys. Feeling it and feeling better xx.

Way to slippery mortal coil

So there was going to be a post about our trip to the mountains.

A cheerful departure from the grey fog of my mood.

But then I had to hold my dear, beautiful, faithful darling 15-year-old cat, as he was put to sleep.

And then I cried.

Will update if status changes. :(

Doldrumish

I have had a bit of a break from blogging. It is not as if life stopped throwing up blogworthy moments, I just have been feeling a bit adrift and I haven't been able to put it into words.

I know I have experienced these feeling before, but as each period of difficulty piles up on the ones before, it feels as if I am knocked around just that little more.

I may not even post this up.

I have ye olde chronic depression. Like in long term. Back from as long as I can remember. I have been on medication for it forever. I don't have many qualms about taking antidepressants because frankly without them I cannot function. I have done and do CBT techniques, meditation, writing etc etc. And yet I can still so easily be flattened by a rolling tsunami of mood swings, that appear out of nowhere.

I guess that is where I have been. Grabbing at the flotsam and holding my breath until I can get my head above water again.

I am not writing this post for sympathy. Please, that gives me the squinks. I just need to acknowledge it every now and then. Because I tend to pretend it isn't happening and I hide behind brittle humour while the core starts crumbling.

Consider it acknowledged. I have a post in the making about a funny little lad, who we took on a day trip to the mountains yesterday. Back soon then....buck up! It's not all so bad!

Intermission

I have lost my writing mojo. It will be back. If there is one thing I know for sure, nothing is permanent in this life. We shift and change. The most peace comes with rolling with life's own rhythm.
Right now I am painting the entire insides of the house. I am enjoying it. I am obsessional and this is a nice way of getting a result from obsession.
Still reading everyone else's blogs. Good work guys!! See you soon.