I woke up thinking about that Zen proverb "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water".
Which makes a change from waking up,thinking about how much I want to go back to sleep!
But I really get it at the moment in relation to acceptance of Louis' autism.
Before acceptance, OT and meltdowns. After acceptance, OT and meltdowns.
It makes no difference how I feel about autism, how frustrated I get, how painful it can be to watch, or how wonderously magical....autism is autism. Some days Louis can be demonstrably affected by autistic characteristics and some days...not so much.
Importantly, every day he is Louis.
Acceptance can been a slippery sucker to hold on to. Some weeks I feel like I just wave to it, as I sail up and down the rollercoaster of denial and depression.
But when I do get it.....it is a peaceful place. It is a place where I can pull back the curtains and let a little light in. The fear and anxiety fade and I get more space to see the magic of who Louis is. I remember that I don't need to fight my son to love him. I am not at war with him, therefore I am not at war with autism. He is autistic. He is a joy and hoo nanny he can be a little shit too!
With acceptance comes OT and meltdowns. The same as when I didn't accept autism. What is the difference? More peace. For the both of us.
1 comment:
Yup. Acceptance doesn't change a thing. Except you. Man, without acceptance, I don't where I'd be.
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