Saturday 19 March 2011

Addendum

It is pretty late now, and I have already written a post tonight.

I wanted to write something down though, so that I remember.

It has been a hard day today. Nothing about today has been unusual to other days. There have been plenty of days that have had more drama, more meltdowns, more craziness. Who knows, maybe it is hormones, someone fell asleep at the anti-depresssant switch, my cup runneth over with life in general?

I just feel full of sad. Like I forgot to put on that extra layer of skin this morning and went out into the world a bit raw.

A couple of times today, I saw Louis' face look confused as I snapped at him in irritation about some mindless verbal stimming that was driving me nuts.

I feel shitty for that.

I know that it is only natural as a parent, or human being for that matter, to get irritated by your child.

But I am the one he relies on to help make sense of the world. To do that, I have to make sense to him.

I have seen that confused look too many times lately, as he navigates his way around his mainstream peers. And it makes me sad.

Makes sense that it makes me sad to be the person causing the confusion.

Anyhoo, me and my melodrama are off to bed.
Night.

3 comments:

Big Daddy Autism said...

I can only speak for myself, but I have had days where the only thing I seem to do is snap at the boy. For behavior I know is out of his control. We are only human. Cut yourself some slack.

Lynn said...

We've all had days like this. Way more than we'd like to admit. I hope you wake up feeling better. (((hugs)))

Noonie Trousers and Then Some said...

Thanks guys. Much better today.