Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to my mum.

My mum could probably get herself a diagnosis of PTSD, for what I put her through. I was a difficult child, a nightmare of a teenager and a loose cannon in early adulthood.

Mum was the one person, who stuck through it all and kept wanting to hear from me. She wasn't blind to my faults. Good grief, she let me have it on occasion. But despite it all, she loved me anyway.

She is just the kind of woman that I want to be. She doesn't suffer fools gladly. Unlike me though, she is polite and mostly keeps her feelings to herself. She loves all animals unreservedly. Seriously, the most hopeless fool for an animal I have ever known. I reckon I come in at a close second. She raised two fine boys and me.

She taught me how to be strong through example. She taught me how to knuckle down, and do what needs to be done. She gave me the love of books and poetry. She is still trying to teach me how to keep an organised house, but really it is probably time to let that one go to the keeper.

She loves my boy with all her heart. She is a champion for his rights. She has played endless hours of repetitive games. She has cheered him on every step of the way. She is so proud of him, for who he is. She worries about him, like she worried about me. But she needn't. Louis feels safe and comfortable and strong when he is around Nanna. The same gifts that she gave me.

Mum was with me when I gave birth to Henry. She held my hand through the painful labour. She cried as she held him, knowing he was going to die. She cried for the little life that was never going to be. She cried for the painful journey of loss she knew that I was just beginning.

Without the twin anchors of my mother and my husband, I wonder if I would have sailed off with that grief. Its pull was so strong.

Today, the pain is bittersweet. I am so grateful for the son I have. I ache for the son I will never truly know. It has been a day of reflection. Of joy and grief.
I love you Mum.

Thank you Mum, for the strength and unending love you give me.
Thank you Louis, my precious funny boy.
Thank you Henry, I will hold you in my dreams, sweet one.