Not sure why I picked that picture to show you all. I just like it. It is a very typical look for Louis. The rosy pink background and the kangaroo are just an added bonus really.
So....Louis is still cranking out the fevers. Could be virus, could be bacterial. No-one knows. However, it does mean that I am going to have to stay home tomorrow and look after him.
I have started doing some training, working with Louis' therapist, to work with autistic kids. Yeah yeah, I know, live it work it blah blah.
I am feeling terribly guilty that I can't go to 'work' tomorrow. Yes, i know the logic, Louis is sick, he comes first. But I am still battling with the feeling that I am letting people down. I know that this isn't the case, as I am just an extra at this point but still....
This is such an ingrained guilt feeling of mine. I blame my mum entirely..."hi Mum!". Actually, both my parents have an over the top work ethic. I am not putting down being responsible and having a strong sense of duty, but this is the woman that went to work when she had typhoid for God's sake! Yup, you heard me. Typhoid!
As I have gotten older and wiser, I have to be aware that I am actually not that important. The world can get on quite capably without me. I don't have to control everything. I have learned to accept that this awareness is actually sanity. Seeing things as they really are.
Frankly, at the moment, I feel as though I am lacking a bit of sanity. I have totally skewed perspective and am creeping down that old road of seeing every little problem as the end of the world.
I know that there are certain actions that I can take, to prevent this catastrophising and melodrama. Time to start walking the walk. Time to stop controlling and just concentrate on doing the next right thing.
This post has probably been a vague, indecipherable mess to most. Never mind, it helped me to put it down.
Just look at the pretty picture of the cute kid next to the kangaroo. It's all good.
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